Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

Today I wanted to talk about dreams. Not dreams meaning 'wishes and aspirations', but the random images that haunt our minds every night. The reason was that this morning I woke up disturbed after dreaming I was a North Korean girl who was trying to run away from some sort of nazi orphanage, so I thought I could tell you about it and make a compilation of the craziest dreams I've had lately, but then I realized that I didn't have enough material for a blog entry.

So I decided to talk about something else. For once, I'm gonna write something personal... and not as cryptic as that whole thing with beacons and sailing or swimming. It's a bit related to that though. No, this is gonna be much more straightforward.

In the past days, apart from the exams and so on, there has been something else occupying my mind. By the way, what I'm doing right now is free-writing, so if I write something that doesn't make sense, now you know why. Some of you might now that I was chosen for an internship in Germany from August onwards. And most of you will probably know what that means - loads and loads of paperwork. Well, this is one of the things that have been annoying me lately. I've had to fake some signatures (sssh, don't tell the cops!), run around to find the place where I can get the goddamn document, annoy certain lecturers or secretaries at university... This is normal, I know. You know what's not normal? THE FACT THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO DO IT!

And by that I don't mean the paperwork. I simply don't want to go back to Germany. At first, when I was dealing with the decision whether to say yes or no, I was kind of excited to go there, especially knowing that there was someone I know there who could help me during my first days. However, the closer the moment is, the least I want to go there.

I'm sure it'll be good for me. I'm sure doing an internship, even if it doesn't have much to do with translation, would be much better than just staying here and wondering where I can send my CVs to get a crappy job. Apart from that, I've always said I wanted to go abroad... but to be brutally honest, I'm tired of Germany.

It used to be my second country, maybe even a second home. There have been many times I've felt more proud of my links to Germany than of Spain, but the truth is that now I'm not at all excited. I'm not only afraid of not enjoying the job, but also of the country itself. I know, I know - I've been there before, I know how things work and it's better the devil you know... But that's exactly the problem. Blame my most recent experiences, but I've come to a point in which Germans annoy me. Even the German language pisses me off. Although it's my first foreign language (officially), there have been times this year in which I've fantasized with ditching it. Maybe trying something else, or maybe not, but now that I had gotten rid of my last connection to that country, I thought I could finally forget about it. To sum up my relationship with Germany/German, I'm gonna use a song quote, as usual - "Nothing I do is good enough for you" (Crucify - Tori Amos)

German used to be a challenge for me. It used to be fun. I used to like it because it was an unusual language, and that made me special. There was even a time in which I defined it like this - "English is like a slutty girl - you know you can call her anytime and sleep with her, but from a certain point it's not special anymore. German is like one of those girls who are really hard to get, but once you manage to seduce them, the satisfaction is amazingly great" Well, now there's no satisfaction anymore. Maybe it's just a state of mind and, like I said before, I'm influenced by the fact that the two serious relationships in my life have been with Germans and now, in retrospect, you could say that one of the reasons why the fail were the 'cultural issues'.

Leaving aside the fact that I don't want to get romantically involved with another German, there have been times in which I've realized I don't even like the people there. They're so full of prejudices! One of the things I hate most is that they always think EVERYTHING has to have a purpose. They just don't understand the meaning of doing something just for fun or just because you like it. "Why are you writing your book in English? Are you planning on publishing it in England first?"; "Why do people in Spain carry such a small bag and then hold their books in their hands?" For them, EVERYTHING has to be logical and have some practical application. It's not a stereotype. Ugh! And what about their obsession with appearances or comparing? "There are so many people wearing glasses in Spain! In Germany we usually wear contact lenses"; "These kind of things don't happen in Germany!"

I hate that. But you know what? I don't have any other option. There are other things I could do, but I already said no exactly because of that freakin' internship. 'Cause after all, I've always said that I didn't want to stay here in Spain. And the other choice that seduced me most was going to Austria and do a masters in Interpreting, which wasn't very expensive and seemed stimulating. However, that would mean still having to deal with the same language. At least I'd get to know a different country, even if they're probably not too different. Too late, anyways. I think the decision is already made. Today I've sent the documents to my soon-to-be boss, along with my permanent address so that he can send me the contract... I guess there's no turning back... Everyone tells me that if I'm not happy there, I can always leave, but that I should at least try. I wonder whether I'll even have energy to try, since I'm already thinking of how many annoying people and bureaucracy I'll have to put up with...

Sorry for the rant. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess I just needed to let it out. I'm not even gonna try to read what I've just written in case I regret it. Besides, that goes against the principles of free-writing. Anyways, enjoy!