Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

Yesterday evening, the greatest musical event in Europe (note the touch of irony) took place. Yes, I'm talking about the Eurovision Song Contest, which I celebrated inviting some friends over to watch it together - snacks, drinks, Chinese food and a TV. And like every year, here's my traditional Eurovision post.

Before going into detail about the single performances, there are some things I'd like to comment. First of all, a friend of mine defined this year's edition as "every plastic surgeon's dream", since most of the contestants looked as though they had had 150 operations (especially the alienface chick from Denmark). Secondly, it was clear that all of them had the same hairdresser, since most of the hairstyles looked suspiciously similar. Gosh, that guy must have been busy... And third, today's cucumber goes to Uribarri, the Spanish moderator for his amazing English pronounciation. Someone should really find out where he learnt it... more than anything, so that we all know where we SHOULDN'T go.

1. Azerbaijan: Boooooring. The song was some sort of Alicia Keys imitation. Just a ballad with a pretty girl wearing a Christmas-tree-like dress which really emphasized her meter-long legs and showing cleavage. Nothing special. If she got any votes, it's clear what the reasons were.

2. Spain: Ok, for once the song didn't suck as much as usual. In fact, Daniel Diges proved to have a much better voice than anyone would have expected. Not to mention that he's so adorable that you'd like to bite his cheeks and caress his curls (the ones on the head, you pervs!) The only thing I didn't completely like was the creepy merry-go-round music, which immediately made me think of Mike Oldfield's "The Trap". Also remarkable the composure he and the dancers showed during the interruption which made them repeat the performance at the end of the festival. Kudos to them, really.

3. Norway: Again, boooooring. Somewhat like Michael Bublé 2.0 meets Titanic. A cutie, but still boring. We defined it as "the kind of song they play during funerals in American movies". At least the guy could sing.

4. Moldova: The needed dose of weirdo-ness comes from this wonderful country I personally can't really locate in a map. The band was formed by a psycho techno-fiddler who kept jumping around the stage, a guy who was the definition of queer and a chick whose eyes were painted in electric blue and wearing some sort of tutu made of silver foil (I want one too!) At least the song was a bit more upbeat than the previous three.

5. Cyprus: The guy was a cutie, we have to admit that in spite of the 90s hairstyle and the playboy vibe. The song wasn't bad at all, a bit softer. The only thing that ruined it all a little was the lead singer lifting up his shirt to show what he had written on his stomach. Poor guy, he wanted to be a stripper and ended up in the ESC!

6. Bosnia-Herzegovina: The guy reminded me suspiciously of one of the guys who performed in the little version of the ESC we celebrated in my faculty. He was accompanied by a group of girls with such short dresses that they could've as well stood naked on stage. I was about to flailsquee when he played a very nice guitar solo... until I realized that it was obvioiusly playback... No points for you, sweetie.

7. Belgium: I was already excited to see what language they would have chosen this year (rofl). In the end, they chose the boring option and sang in English. The guy was wearing a vest and jeans which were ridiculously small for him and made him look like some sort of college boy trying to sing country. The most hilarious thing was that the song was called "Me and my guitar"... and it was SOOO obviously playback! I mean, the guy didn't even know how to PRETEND he was playing that guitar.

8. Serbia: Oh, boy! The song was really upbeat, which is always good. But the best thing was the look. Modern haircut dyed in blonde - about 50 € (unless you cut it yourself, which we suspected). Fake Converse shoes (I want them too!) - about 30 €. Having all the viewers wonder whether you're male or female - PRICELESS!

9. Belarus: Leaving the increase of the levels of sugar in our blood aside, here we have the Cyprus singer's twin brother accompanied by three elvish women (!!!) who at the end of the performance reveal to actually be butterflies.

10. Ireland: OH MY FREAKIN' FUCKIN' IRISH GOD!!! IT'S NIAMH KAVANAGH!!! When I saw her on stage, I flailsqueed so much that I could hardly listen to the song. I would have only wanted to yell at whoever chose that horrible purple dress for my poor Niamh. It wasn't as good as "In Your Eyes", which made her win in 1993, but quite similar... and needless to say, my vote went to her.

11. Greece: The band was formed by a middle-aged man and a group of macho men. Great energy, we loved those drums which shot fireworks. However, it was pretty hilarious to hear them shouting "Opa!" when we were watching the show with two German girls... knowing that Opa in German means "grandpa".

12. UK: For a moment, I thought I had gone back to the 80s. The guy looked totally like one of the Wizards of Waverly Place and was accompanied by the muses of Disney's Hercules. To complete the picture, we had Ikea decoration... that's when you know that the festival is taking place in Norway...

13. Georgia: I'm soooo copying their performance next year! I don't remember what the song is about, but judging by the expressive choreography, the lead singer wasn't sure whether to have a threesome with the two male dancers (who weren't wearing a shirt, good way to save money in clothes!)  or with one of them and the female dancer who was checking her out shamelessly. She had a nice voice though. All of them were dressed in white or red, just like the Georgian flag... very subtle!

14. Turkey: In one word - E-M-O. Unlike the usual chick swaying her hips seductively with a few belly dancers, we had the Turkish version of Linkin Park, but with a voice that absolutely didn't fit that kind of music. And as having someone change their clothes on stage always gets you bonus points, we had a robot that turned out to be a woman who happened to be the singer's lover.

15. Albania: Madonna dressed up as Lady Gaga when she wants to be discreet singing a big big copy of "Tainted Love".

16. Iceland: Thank you, Iceland! First Björk, then the volcano and now this! The Icelandic entry presented us with the stereotypical ESC gay diva (what would the festival do without them?!), singing kind of opera to a techno beat. The designer of her dress must have been the same who made Niamh Kavanagh's dress, using the red curtain in his living-room (we're still in times of crisis,  you know...)

17. Ukraine: The song was... weird. It's so hard to describe that I'm not even gonna try. The girl was gorgeous though.

18. France: Wow! I didn't know Eddy Grant was still active! Although they didn't get that far, I can tell you that this song is gonna be a huge summer hit. What I wonder, though, is what that blonde chick was doing there surrounded by all those huge black guys.

19. Romania: Strange couple playing keyboards, but the song was really entertaining. One of my faves, in fact. While the guy was just plain boring, the girl was somewhat like Shania Twain's little sister dressed in black leather.

20. Russia: Have I heard this song before? The beginning sounded truly familiar, I don't know why... The thing with falling snow was a nice idea, but it made the performance so Russian that we thought a drunken guy with a bottle of vodka holding onto a street light would appear any minute.

21. Armenia: I had no idea a cleavage could sing so well... What I'm still wondering is what the fat chick from Iceland was doing there, dressed in some sort of medieval outfit. Did she think she'd get any bonus points just for being on stage twice? Wanting to follow Daniel Diges's steps? Oh come on! It's not like anyone would look at her when Angelina Jolie's twin sister was also around...

22. Germany: For the first year in a long time, this was the only song I had heard before. We must say that Lena seemed to be really nervous, as her voice cracked a little in some moments. No wonder, thinking that the poor girl probably was forced to spend a whole week without eating so that she could wear the emo dress. The choreography was pretty improvised, but that was part of its charm. As Uribarri said, it looked as though she was in a karaoke bar with her friends.

23. Portugal: Sadly, I missed most of the performance because our food arrived at that very moment. According to what my friends said, the girl was really confident on stage in spite of being only 18 (!!!) Amazing voice and very sweet lady... too bad her parents decided to call her Filipa.

24. Israel: One more proof that the hairdresser had a lot of work that night. As usual, Israel sent in a ballad in Hebrew. We fell in love with the boy's big black eyes.

25. Denmark: If the UK could use Andrew Lloyd Weber to compose the last year's song, why can't Denmark defreeze Walt Disney to compose this year's? The contestants were yet another strange couple - a Sting-lookalike wearing a jacket he had bought at the last minute in H&M and an alien-faced chick. To get some bonus points, they kissed at the end of the song. Aaaaw!

Well, now that I've commented all the different entries, let's talk about the results. I'm still sad that Niamh Kavanagh got such a low position... oh well... Spain did pretty well, though, better than in the past few years (which, for once, they deserved). But what makes this year's edition totally epic is that the winner was GERMANY!!! Finally, the Big Four takes over! Although the live performance was not as good as the studio version of the song, I have to say that it's a good thing Lena won. So, if I'm next year in Germany, I'll ask my boss for one or two days off so I can watch it live! :D