Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

The situation is the following - a beautiful princess is locked in a castle, guarded by a big bad dragon. How would the situation be solvedaccording to the different musical styles?

Heavy Metal: Our Hero enters the scene on a Harley Davidson, kills the Dragon, drinks some beer and f**ks the princess.

Power Metal: Our Hero enters the scene riding a white unicorn. He flees from the dragon, saves the princes and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

Thrash Metal: The Hero fights the dragon, saves the princess and then f**ks her.

Folk Metal: Our hero arrives with some friends who play accordion, violins, flutes and other strange instruments. The Dragon falls asleep (being tired after dancing etc.) Then they leave the castle all together... without the princess.

Viking Metal: Our Hero arrives on a drakkar. He kills the Dragon with his huge Axe and eats him. Then he rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and sets the castle afire before he walks away.

Death Metal: The Hero arrives and kills the Dragon. Then he f**ks the princess and kills her too. Finally he steps away.

Black Metal: Our Hero arrives at midnight, kills the Dragon and impales him in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess and before he kills her, he drinks her blood in a ritual. Finally he impales her too next to the dragon.

Gore Metal: Our hero arrives, kills the Dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle. He f**ks and then kills the princess. Then he f**ks her corpse and eats her guts. Finally he f**ks the cadaver for the third time, he burns it and f**ks it again for the last time.

Grind Metal: Our Hero arrives and screams something no one is able to understand for about 2 minutes. Then he leaves.

Doom Metal: Our Hero arrives. He understands the Dragon is really huge for him to deal with, and thinks that he will never be able to beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The Dragon eats his body and the Princess as a dessert. ...And this is the end of a very sad story.

Gothic Metal: The princess wearing a velvet dress sings like a soprano. Our Hero completes the duet as the "Beast" while the Dragon is playing the flute. Suddenly the Dragon swallows the flute and by mistake he spits a flame that burns the Beauty and the Beast while he dies from asphyxia. The three souls are condemned to hell for eternity.

Progressive Metal: Our Hero arrives with one guitar and he plays a 26-minute solo. The dragon finds it so boring that he commits suicide. The Hero enters the princess bedroom and he plays another solo with every technique he learned last year in music school. Finally the princess escapes searching for the Heavy Metal Hero.

Industrial Metal: Our Hero arrives wearing a filthy coat and he insults the Dragon by extending his middle finger. Finally the bouncers throw him out of the Fairyland.

Technical Metal: Our Hero plays an extraordinary riff, changing between 11/16 and 13/16, with any possible way. The Dragon dies from a massive Brain Aneurysm. The princess enters a music college in order to understand what the hell our Hero played.

Speed Metal: Suddenly a short-time solo is filling the air... the Dragon gets confused. Someone is screaming strange things. The princess realizes she just lost her virginity. The Dragon and the princess are still searching for the guy who did that.

Christian Metal: Our Hero arrives straight from the church and sings a Power Metal ballad to the Dragon, telling him how much Jesus loves him, and that he should follow the path of God. The Dragon instantly becomes a Christian and when the princess is ready to thank the Hero, he tells her he is against premarital sex.

Glam Metal: Our Hero arrives. The Dragon laughs because of the Hero's appearance, and lets him enter the castle. Our Hero steals the princess' make-up and plans to paint the castle a wonderful pink color, while the princess wonders where all the men have gone?

Battle Metal: The Hero arrives with a legion of 100 brave soldiers and war machines. As a great military commander, he sieges the dragon for 6 hours before killing him. The princess is getting bored.

Nu Metal: Our Hero arrives with a damaged Honda Civic and tries to fight the Dragon, but unfortunately he dies after his ridiculous colorful wide clothes caught fire.

Symphonic Metal: Our Hero arrives with the Vienna Philharmonic and sings two arias. The Dragon loses his hearing and the princess is frying eggs.

Epic Metal: Our Hero arrives in shining armor and riding his own Dragon, kills the bad Dragon with a spear and saves the princess. Then he takes her to his own castle where they get married. And they lived happily ever after.

And now, a little bit of my own stuff ;) How would some of our favourite (or not quite so favourite) bands save the princess?

Nightwish: Tarja Turunen refuses to fight the dragon because the castle is too small, she's unsatisfied with the money they're paying her and she hasn't had enough time to rehearse, so they fire her and send in Anette Olzon, who of course is not half as good at fighting as Tarja and not even the dragon takes her seriously. In the end, Marco Hietala sighs, rolls his eyes and saves the day, as usual.

Evanescence: The dragon has a panic attack as soon as he sees Amy Lee and runs away. Then she commits suicide.

Leaves' Eyes: The dragon gets so annoyed after the celtic music session that he decides to surrender. Too bad the princess has already run away while they were playing...

Ayreon: A group of mysterious aliens kidnaps both the dragon and the princess while different heroes from different times and places argue who's the true hero.

Delain: Charlotte Wessels and Martijn Westerholt realize that the two of them alone can't fight the dragon, so they call a lot of guest musicians to help them. In the end, they all manage to escape together with the princess, headbanging in unison.

Epica: The castle doors open while a choir sings a 1-minute intro, leaving the dragon in a confused state of mind. Suddenly, Simone Simons appears and the dragon can't stop staring at her hair and cleavage. While he's distracted, the rest of the band free the princess and run away.

Avantasia/Tobias Sammet: After a very dramatic battle full of very deep dialogues about wisdom, good and evil and lots of bitching against the church, the hero and the princess flee to their uncertain future in an imaginary world full of elves and dwarves.

Within Temptation: Sharon den Adel explains to the dragon (in very dramatic words and epically high tones, accompanied by expressive dance moves) why he shouldn't do that and how kidnapping princesses is ruining our beautiful planet. Yet she has to stop after every explanation to change her dress and almost gets burned on several occasions. Meanwhile, Ruud Jolie seduces the princess.

Emiliana Torrini: She couldn't arrive in time to save the princess... something about a volcano...

Enya: Floats her way into the castle, sings a lullaby for the dragon... The dragon falls asleep, and so does the princess, so they have to carry her out of the castle.

Bob Marley: He arrives into the castle with some weeds. When the dragon spits fire, he uses it to light up the joint. In the end, they all get stoned and become friends.

And now, let's see how some of our friends would do it xDDD This part is special for you guys!

Kate Lennon: She arrives in a taxi, lets the red carpet roll... and then gets disappointed when she sees that it's a prince instead of a princess, but decides to go in nevertheless.  However, when she asks the prince about his nationality and he says that he's Spanish, she runs away with the dragon, who happens to be Dutch.

Li'l Mushroom: She found the castle accidentally when she was going for a walk, so she goes in to have a look. When she sees the dragon, she uses her pendulum to see what kind of vibrations he sends. The dragon runs away scared, as though he was a witness of Jehova. Then she and the prince(ss) have a Tarot session while they drink a beer.

Briegas: He prepares a magic potion which makes the dragon fall asleep instantly. Then he and the princess go for a walk on the countryside while playing some random game with the flowers.

Mammen Moon: She has a 3-hour philosophical discussion with the dragon, trying to find out the reason why he kidnapped the princess. When the discussion is finally over, the princess is not there anymore, so she decides to write a piece of news about her disappearance.

Xavi: He arrives on a plane. When he sees the dragon, he finds him so impressive that he decides to take a picture. The camera blinds the dragon. Then he flies away on the plane with the princess to one of those countries no-one has ever heard about.

Annuska (even though she probably won't read this): She comes jogging to the castle. Then she yells at the princess for keeping such a wonderful creature as a dragon in captivity. She leaves the princess there and takes the dragon home.