Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

13.

"Aww, sweetie, I'm so sorry for you!" Johanna rubbed Sharon's back softly.
Two hours had gone by and Sharon was still crying her eyes out. At least, now she had four shoulders to let it all out on.
"I-I should have l-listened to y-you.." the Dutch girl hiccuped.
"Sssh!"
As the redhead wrapped her arms around her friend, Marco sighed harshly.
"She's even worse than I thought..."
The Austrian gave him a look. She still kept holding her former flatmate, letting her bury her face in her neck and stroking over her long dark hair. Marco continued his speech.
"What I don't understand is, if she was the one who screwed up... why are you the one who's spending the night somewhere else?"
"Because s-she doesn't think she d-did anything w-wrong..."
Both roommates' eyes widened. In unison, they both gasped:
"What?!"
"She said t-that wasn't even classified as c-cheating to h-her..."
"Did you try to talk to her about it?" Johanna wondered.
Sharon shook her head and began crying harder. Feeling strangely guilty, the younger girl tightened her embrace around her. Meanwhile, the blond man was still trying to make sense out of all he had heard.
"Ok, she is weird..." he commented.
Ignoring those words, Johanna kissed Sharon's hair, trying to dry her tears with her fingers.
"I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow. Taking a little bit of distance will probably make you see things clear so you can confront her about it."
"Or else you could sleep with someone else. Let's see if she feels cheated or not."
Deep down, Johanna almost felt like smiling at her now lover's logic. It was amazing how such situations seemed so easy to solve from a man's point of view. Yet the Dutch girl didn't seem convinced by that at all.
"I c-can't do t-that... I feel so horrib-bllee..."
"Don't listen to him" again, the redhead gave him a meaningful glare.
She could feel Sharon holding her tighter, needing her. It broke her heart to see her friend like that. Even Marco softened up. He sat on the chair on the other side of the Dutch girl, his hand reaching for her back timidly.
"I'm sorry. It just annoys me to see her using you like that."
"I d-don't know what to d-do..." the brunette stammered.
"Just try to calm down" Johanna whispered "Spend the night here in your old room, get some sleep... and then tomorrow, talk to her. You said she was drunk; maybe once she's sober, she'll see how much she's hurt you."
The other woman sniffed, nodding. While the Austrian continued rubbing her back, giving her encouraging words, Marco threw in some more of his policy.
"I think you should just kick her out."
"I can't" Sharon replied weakly.
"Why not? The house is more yours than hers, after all."
"I love her..."
That caused a very strong reaction in her two friends. Johanna bit her lip, hugging her more tightly. When she didn't know what to say, the best thing that occurred to her was to give her some tenderness. He, on the other hand, winced. Unrequited love was the definition of torture.
"She doesn't deserve it" the Swede stated "That's all I can say."
His comment earned him a glare from his flatmate. She then turned to look back at Sharon and brushed some strands away from her face.
"I'm sure she loves you too."
"I doubt it... she never said it back to me."
"That doesn't necessarily have to mean anything" the redhead comforted her "Maybe she's just taking her time to say it."
"It's been five months!"
"Well, some people take a bit longer to express their feelings."
"Johanna, don't make excuses for her" Marco intervened "I'd see it very clear. She needs to get out. Period."
The Dutch girl let out a sigh. Johanna turned to face Marco.
"If Sharon loves her, I'm sure there has to be something good about her."
"She also loved Kimberly, remember?" he pointed out.
As much as she loved him, the Austrian rolled her eyes at her friend. He could use some more empathy at times, she thought. Sharon's gaze dropped to the floor; she looked absolutely miserable. Understanding that he had put his foot in it, the big blond man started rubbing his former flatmate's back.
"I'm sorry, Sharon. I know I'm being a bit harsh, but I just want to be protective. I honestly didn't mean to make you feel worse."
"I know..."
Holding back a yawn, the younger girl patted her sobbing friend's shoulders. She lifted her face to make visual contact before speaking to her in a motherly tone:
"Come on, you should get some rest. I'm sure you'll see things clear in the morning."
Sharon nodded and stood up. Johanna followed, holding her tightly.
"Have a good night, sweetie!"
As it was some kind of tradition amongst them, Marco joined the hug.
"Try to sleep some, ok?" he whispered.
"I will..."
Yet all of them knew she probably wouldn't manage to close her eyes all night. Saying those words, the brunette wiped her eyes and headed for her room. Marco and Johanna stayed in the living-room for a moment. She appeared very disturbed and concentrated, her greenish eyes narrowed. If there was one thing she hated in the world, it was to see the people she cared about hurting.
"Are you coming to bed?" Marco's voice brought her back to reality.
"Oh... um... I think I should sleep in my bed for tonight" she answered.
"Really? Why?"
With her head, she motioned towards the corridor, where the rooms were.
"Sharon doesn't know about us... and I don't think we should tell her yet. She'd be totally blown away."
"Hmm... you're right" he admitted "I'll miss you though."
She presented him with one of those cheeky, yet sweet grins.
"I know. I'll miss you too."
The Austrian pecked her lover's lips before going to her room. Marco did the same, switching the faint light behind himself.
Many hours later, Sharon pulled up by her house. A part of her hoped Tarja was at work, even though she knew that sooner or later they'd have to talk. She pushed the heavy door open and took a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever she was about to find.
The Finn had called in sick at work. Her hangover was too bad to do anything profitable, so she was still in bed when her girlfriend got home. She turned around as she heard some distant sounds, still halfway between sleep and the real world. The Dutch girl's heart skipped a beat as she noticed the bump between the sheets. A smell of sweat hit her as she made her way to sit by Tarja.
She slowly woke up, wincing as a strong headache welcomed her back to reality. And the first words she heard didn't exactly make her feel better.
"We need to talk."
"What?" she asked weakly as she opened her eyes.
"About what happened last night" Sharon completed.
It took her a while to understand what that was about.
"Oh! Yeah, that..." she began "I know I was a bit rude..."
"Rude?" the brown-eyed beauty exclaimed "That's it? You were freakin' disgusting!"
The echo of those phrases hammered inside Tarja's head. She squeezed her eyes shut at the pain.
"Sssh... don't yell, please!"
"You deserve it!" Sharon didn't lower her voice at all "You hurt me so bad!"
"Why?"
"Because you cheated, Tarja!"
Not again, she thought. Letting out a harsh sigh, the Nordic kept defending herself.
"That was not cheating."
Her indifference did nothing but make Sharon angrier. Could she really not understand what she was causing?
"Yes, it was! Having sex with someone else while you're in a relationship is called cheating!"
"Not if it doesn't mean anything. And secondly, I have my reasons."
Bringing her hand to her face, the brunette let out a tired, frustrated sound.
"It still fucking counts! And I'd like to know what those reasons are?!"
Unable to keep it to herself any longer, the Finn exploded. With a growl, she pointed at her girlfriend.
"You! You're fuckin' suffocating me!" she yelled.
"Oh, really? So now I brought this on myself?! What did I ever do to you?!"
Tarja fixed her hair, preferring not to think of how terribly messy it looked. Finally she had a chance to speak up and tell Sharon what was bothering her.
"I've told you - you're smothering me! You know what I'm like. I need to have my own life... and since we started dating, I've felt more and more trapped."
A growl was all she got as a reply. She continued speaking, justifying herself.
"No, seriously! I've been trying to be patient and not to mind things too much. Like holding you in your sleep just so you feel calmer, even though I hate it. Or working all day, both outside the house and in the house, just so you have time to figure out what the hell it is you wanna do with your life. And on top of that, it's like I'm never doing it right. Then I have to hear things like" she mocked Delia's voice "Oh, it's so nice that you're living in the countryside! Your kids will have so much space to play when you have them!"
"You don't like holding me?" Sharon interrupted, feeling completely hurt. Of all the things Tarja said, that's what got to her the most.
"I just don't like cuddling in bed while sleeping! I like to enjoy having a big bed, for fuck's sake!"
"You're so fucking ridiculous!" the brunette looked away "If you want a big bed, go sleep in the fuckin' guest bedroom! It's not like I'm forcing you to stay!"
"Urgh!" the Finn shouted "Look, it's not about the fuckin' bed! I just need some freedom from time to time!"
"And your idea of freedom is being on top of some disgusting skank?!" the brunette exclaimed.
"At least it makes me feel like I still had a life of my own!"
"Right! So I take it this life only involves fucking people you don't know?"
"No!" her green eyes pierced her "It's not only about that! It's just about getting out of the house without you and not only to work, meeting other people... flirting with other people... seeing that there are others who find me attractive."
A hard breath escaped Sharon's mouth. The more she heard, the less sense it made.
"Then why did you say you wanted me?" she finally asked.
"Because I do want you! You just don't get it - the fact that I've slept with someone else doesn't mean I don't care about you."
"Oh, really? Well, when Kimberly cheated, she never gave a damn at all! And you're seriously acting just like she did before leaving!"
"Just think - how long did it take her to tell you that she was banging her ex? Six freakin' months! I told you I had fucked a bitch whose name I can't even remember just a few hours later! If I didn't hide it from you, it's because it's no fuckin' big deal!"
"Damn it, Tarja! It is a big deal!"
"It's not, because I don't give a flying fuck about her!" the Finn was starting to get desperate "But I do about you! I feel the same way about you as I did before sleeping with her. How can I make you understand that I do want to be with you? I just need to be unleashed from time to time."
"Fine!" the Dutch girl roared "But if you sleep with someone else, you're out of here!"
"You know what?" Tarja sighed "I wouldn't get that uptight if you slept with someone else. Your body is yours, after all. It's your soul that matters."
"I'm the kind of person who sticks to one person, and one person only. Apparently, you don't care at all about your body."
"Well, I'm not like you..."
Frustrated and disappointed, Sharon shook her head and stormed out of the room. Her girlfriend laid herself down on the bed, happy that she could finally sleep her headache away. Nevertheless, her plan was soon interrupted as the urge to throw up hit her. Jumping out of the bed, she staggered to the bathroom as quickly as she could.
The brunette heard it all. A part of her felt that the other woman deserved some little punishment. Yet she loved her too much; in the end, her motherly, compassionate side won and forced her to rush upstairs. Sighing, she went into the bathroom and held that long black hair back. Tarja seemed surprised to feel her touch. She went on letting everything out of her body before flashing. Her reflection in the mirror made her cringe and look away. With those rings around her eyes, and her skin paler than usual, she thought that she looked like a corpse.
"Want some water?" Sharon's soft voice distracted her.
She had barely had time to nod when her lover ran downstairs. Feeling a strong pang of guilt, she stopped her just in time.
"Sharon, wait! You don't need to that for me..."
"Well, that's how I show I care."
Her green eyes filled with tears. She felt disgusting, unworthy of someone like Sharon. Even after having been a total asshole to her, the beautiful brunette was still willing to take care of her. People with such big hearts are rare, she thought. As she began welling up, she pulled her into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for being such a bitch."
That's when her voice started breaking and sobs interrupted her speech. Instead of rejoicing, as she would have expected, Sharon simply rubbed her back with the same tenderness as usual.
"It's ok..." she said weakly.
"No, it's not. I've hurt you, even though you've been nothing but wonderful to me."
"Hey, it's not like I'm not used to it."
She pulled away softly to look into those warm brown orbs. Tarja shook her head.
"No. That's not the way it should be. You deserve someone who treats you right."
"But apparently, I can never find such a person..." the Dutch girl sighed.
"Maybe I should go... so you can find her."
"I don't want to be alone, Tarja. We don't need to stay together. You can just live here and... fuck whoever you want..."
It broke her heart completely. Although she was rather angered by her neediness, her feelings for her were too strong, and all she could see was the wonderful woman she was about to let go. She didn't want to... she really didn't... but deep inside her soul she knew she would never measure up.
"No, don't do that. Don't beg! You deserve way more than that! Demand it!"
"I can't..." the brunette whispered, looking down.
"You can... and you must!" she lifted her chin "Sharon, you are truly beautiful and the tenderest woman I've ever met. There has to be someone out there waiting for you, and you have to fight to find her."
"I don't know how..."
"Just go out there and show the world your sweet self!"
"It's pointless to try... I'll get used again and again."
"Sharon, please!" the lump on the Nordic's throat seemed to grow bigger "Have a little bit of faith in the world! What ever happened to that cheerful girl I met in the club?"
"I guess she got hurt too many times..."
She couldn't resist to hold her and rub her back. There were no words to describe the guilt she felt. It was so painful for her to think of how she had that angel all to herself and did nothing but torture her while the whole world was missing on her...
"I hate to see you like this" she mumbled "And god, I really wish I could be that person..."
"I wish you could, too..."
What Tarja found herself saying right after surprised her even more than it did Sharon.
"Maybe... I could try... if you still want to give me another chance... even though I don't deserve it at all."
"I do..."
Moved, a smile shone between her tears. Holding and kissing her girlfriend with shaky hands, Tarja thanked her a thousand times.
"You don't need to hold me every night if you don't want to" Sharon said.
"Hey, don't think about that now. I'll just... try to be a good girlfriend, I promise. Which means I'll try not to feel pressured at the tiniest sign of commitment" the Finn smiled weakly "And I do like to share the bed with you and feel your body close to mine."
"I'll try not to annoy you... I'll let you have some freedom."
"No, not if it hurts you. You deserve to be happy. And please, you don't annoy me at all... you're an angel."
As their lips met, sealing it with a kiss, one thought echoed in Tarja's mind. Now let's hope you can stick to your promise, bitch.