Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

1.

On that night, Tarja did something she hadn't done in a long time and had hoped she would never have to do again - cry. She sobbed herself to sleep, probably the only way to get some rest on that uncomfortable couch. Either her neck or her back would be sore the following day. Yet that was not what hurt most.
She still couldn't get the image of Sharon moaning another woman's name off her head. How could she do that to her? A part of her brain told her that she had brought it on herself, but still... she couldn't believe it. Not to mention that she didn't understand why that had happened. Had she deliberately chosen the moment when they had finally agreed to be a conventional couple to hurt her like that by the rules that revenge is best served cold? She would have never expected such a thing from the girl she loved for her good heart. And that was what hurt most.
The arm of the couch was still wet from her tears the morning after. Rubbing her eyes, the Finn stretched and sat up. For the brief instant until she completely regained consciousness after the few hours of sleep she got, it all felt like a normal day. That's when she noticed that she wasn't even wearing her pajamas and remembered why. A lump formed on her throat again. She wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself, embracing her knees, as she took in a deep breath.
A thousand questions were still running through her head when she heard footsteps on the staircase. In spite of how much she dreaded to turn and face Sharon - or even worse, the woman who had slept on her side of the bed next to Sharon on that night - she did look. The Dutch girl's beautiful body was only covered by her red robe. She hated herself for thinking that she even looked gorgeous in it and with her long dark hair falling untidily over her shoulders. Their gazes met for a moment; yet Sharon said nothing. All she did was return an indifferent look and vanish into the kitchen.
Tarja sighed. She knew she would have to be the one to make the first move, so she rose from the couch and followed her girlfriend. Giving her back to her, Sharon looked very concentrated on making two cups of coffee. The Finn leaned against the counter, watching her, waiting for a reaction. A few silent moments later, she understood that, even if she had noticed her standing there, the brunette wouldn't turn around or speak. It had to be her.
"Sharon, we need to talk."
"I have nothing to say to you" the other woman replied coldly.
"Well, you could start by explaining to me what that was" Tarja insisted.
"I believe that was pretty clear; you saw it yourself."
She took one step back. That harsh reply felt like a bucket of freezing water being poured over her. She didn't expect that from Sharon. Nevertheless, as her mind processed it, something dawned on her. Her girlfriend hadn't locked the door or made any efforts to hide her infidelity. That was no coincidence.
"You wanted me to see it" she whispered, still not wanting to believe it.
"Well, yes" Sharon finally turned to face her.
"But... why?"
A shrug was the Dutch girl's only response. Yet Tarja knew the answer; a horrible truth was revealed to her by Sharon's attitude. All she wanted was revenge. She couldn't believe it; she didn't want to believe it. That was not the Sharon she knew and loved.
"Did I do anything wrong?" the Finn asked.
"Did you do anything right?" Sharon snapped, her expressive brown eyes narrowing.
Her accusation made her freeze. The more she found out, the less sense it made to her. If everything seemed to be going right between her and Sharon, why was she suddenly so angry with her? Her jaws and throat were aching as she fought the tears. She didn't know what was more painful - the way her girlfriend was treating her or the lack of answers. If only she knew what she had done to deserve that...
"If that's all, I'm gonna go upstairs and bring Flo her coffee" Sharon said as she brushed past her.
That was when Tarja finally snapped out of her shock and reacted. She grabbed her by the wrist, making one of the mugs fall to the floor and break into pieces as the steaming hot coffee got spread all over.
"What the hell are you doing?!" the brunette yelled angrily.
"We're not yet done talking. I thought we had decided to forget about everything and act like a normal couple..."
"I doubt you understand the concept of a normal couple, Tarja."
Once more, Sharon's personal attack caught her off-guard. She gasped and held onto her  wrist even more tightly; perhaps in a subconscious attempt to cause her the pain she was feeling at that moment.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"I tried to give you one more chance" Sharon replied "In spite of how many times you hurt me, I decided to put my trust in you again and believe that you wouldn't try to fool me. Clearly, I was wrong."
"What are you talking about? I haven't cheated on you..."
"Not in the past month! But what about all the lies you've told me?"
Her green eyes blinked as she tilted her head slightly to the side. She was about to start protesting that kissing Simone didn't count as cheating at all, but the last accusation interrupted her train of thought.
"What lies? I've been completely honest to you!"
"Hiding the truth is also lying. I gave you the chance to be truthful and you threw it away."
"I haven't been keeping anything from you!" the Finn defended herself.
"Really? Like when you told me about your dear husband?"
Before opening her mouth to ask her what the hell she was saying, she registered the word 'husband'. Surprised, she let go of her hand abruptly.
"How did you find out about Jim?"
"That doesn't matter" the Dutch girl glared, going back to the coffee machine to prepare one more cup "What matters is that I should have found out through you."
Now everything started to make sense. So that was why she wanted to get back at her... However, she was still wondering where Sharon could have found that information. Could it be that she had decided to investigate her somehow? Searched her private drawers? Or had someone told her? It pained her to see that her girlfriend didn't trust her and had chosen to invade her privacy. In any case, panic took over her. She had never seen Sharon so angry, but she admitted that she had the right to be. And it scared her to see that she was about to lose the woman she loved because of her own stupid mistake. Nevertheless, that was not fair. There was a reason why she had never mentioned that chapter of her past. If only she gave her a chance to explain it...
"I'm so sorry, Sharon. I know I should have told you, but... there is an explanation. Just let me-"
"No! I don't want to hear it. You're too late."
The brunette was already reaching the staircase. While she walked away, Tarja's desperation grew. She followed her like a dog, not knowing what to say or do to keep her there, to mend it all...
"Sharon, please! Don't go! Just give me a few more minutes... talk to me... I can explain it..."
"I said I don't want to hear it" Sharon bellowed without looking at her "I don't give a fuck anymore."
"Ok, then, if you don't wanna talk about it... can we just pretend it never happened and... stop hurting each other?"
Her voice cracked with that last phrase as the first tears began to be shed. Sharon, who was already halfway upstairs, turned around. Her piercing, icy stare almost made Tarja hold her breath.
"You've already proven to me that you are incapable of being in a healthy relationship and that you'll never stop hurting me, Tarja. I want you out of this house at the end of the month. You have four days."