Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

8.

Tarja's jaw dropped when she saw the place she was about to move into. Perhaps not as big as the houses in the touristic areas of Hollywood, but a palace compared to everything she was used to. There was no minimalistic Ikea decoration like in the small apartment where she lived in Finland in her student years, but actual works of art and a few plants, which would definitely benefit from the amount of light filtering through the wide windows. Mr. McAllister definitely had a great taste. She was surprised by the timeless style of his home. You couldn't tell how old the person who was living there was, neither whether it was male or female. Everything was perfectly clean and tidy, but still lively, unlike the stereotypical single man's apartment where cans of beer and dirty underwear are thrown all over the place. Besides, it was a two-storey building, which was quite new to her. The stairs that led to the first floor reminded her of the ones she had seen on TV or films, but this time it wasn't one of the sets they used to shoot sketches.
Yet it was the guestroom that made it hard for her to pick up her jaw from the floor. She would have sworn the bed was larger than her whole current room. The furniture, the sheets and the curtains looked like they had just been bought and place there to take a picture for some catalogue. Casting her eyes all over the place, she realized that there was nothing she would complain about. It was simply perfect. Even the colours were ideal - happy and bright without being tacky, combining harmoniously. A gasp escaped her mouth when she stepped outside to the small balcony and her pupils registered the amazing views. She could see the ocean from there, and it was absolutely breathtaking.
"How do you like it?" Mr. McAllister asked, standing by the threshold with his usual smile.
He saw her emeralds glistening as she turned around to face him. She shook her head, as though she couldn't find the right words.
"It's... wow, I don't know what to say, Mr. McAllister."
"Please! Call me Jim" he chuckled "After all; you're going to be my wife in a couple of weeks."
"Alright... Jim" the young Finn smiled.
"That's better" he returned the gesture.
With a content sigh, Tarja looked around herself once more. Soon she would be living in that place, and a wave of excitement washed over her at the thought.
"This house is really beautiful, but I think I should go back to my matchbox" she said "If I hurry, I might still catch the bus on time."
"I can drive you back right now" he offered.
"No, it's fine. You really don't have to."
"Please, I insist."
Knowing that there was nothing she could do to change his mind, she followed him downstairs. His kindness was definitely one of his strengths, for which she was thankful. She had to recognize that the ride was a very good offer. He was already on the ground floor, a few steps ahead of her when she suddenly stopped with a gasp. Something had caught her eye.
"Oh my god! Is that you with Robert De Niro in that picture?"
There was indeed a picture of Mr. McAllister with someone who looked suspiciously similar to the famous actor hanging on the wall. Both were smiling at the camera and lifting two pints of beer.
"Yes, it's him" Jim confirmed.
He heard her gasp. When she turned around, her eyes were wet.
"He's my all-time favourite actor! How did you meet him?"
"I worked with him for a few months. He's a great guy."
She bit her lip before asking what had just come to her mind. It dawned on her that she knew nothing about the man she was about to marry, not even such a simple thing as what he did for a-living. Yet Jim seemed to read the questioning expression on her face like an open book. He smiled as he explained:
"I was once a film producer. In fact, I was for about twenty years."
"Really? What made you stop?" she wanted to know.
A sigh came out of the man's throat. His grin became melancholic.
"I didn't want to retire at all... but life is unpredictable, you know."
Tarja nodded. Her gaze travelled again to the wall, and she realized that all the other pictures decorating it showed her soon-to-be-husband with different people. Some of them were celebrities; others were not. Although she had always considered Mr. McAllister to be a very happy person, suddenly she thought of him alone in that big house, without much to do, and it made her feel sorry for him. Those photographs were probably the closest thing to company he had. At least, she thought, soon she'd be there to make his solitude more bearable.
A few weeks later, the couple got married. It was a small ceremony - just a few friends or coworkers, but still it was all joy and rice. The day had been exhausting, she wasn't sure whether it was because of the stress surrounding the celebration or the show she had had to put on. Obviously, in front of the cameras and everyone else, Tarja and Jim were a completely normal couple; two people who had fallen in love and decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Apart from Monica and a few others who were close to the bride, nobody knew that all the kisses and any other display of affection was absolutely fake. However, it was easy to pretend with a charmer like Mr. McAllister.
The problem was getting closer as the day reached its end. In the scarcely two weeks she had been living with Jim, he had treated her like a queen, but would he stay the same now that they were officially married? Would the show have to go on behind closed doors? After all, he hadn't asked for anything; if there was something she had learnt in life, it was that no-one ever gave you anything for free. Sooner or later, she knew he would ask for something in return... and she was beginning to fear that he'd ask for the price on that night, which happened to be their wedding night. A knock on the bathroom door interrupted her train of though.
"Daria? Are you alright?" Jim's voice called through the door.
"Yes. I'll be there soon" she replied.
She gave her mirror reflection one more look before heading out, swallowing her anxiety. Or at least hoping to push it further down her throat. His usual, kind smile welcomed her when she stepped back into the hotel room where they were spending their first night as husband and wife.
"I was starting to worry about you."
"No, I'm fine. I was just freshening up" she justified herself.
"I see. It's been a tiring day, hasn't it? We should hit the bed."
At that time, she didn't know what got to her. Years later, in retrospect, she would probably say that she was young and insecure, not to mention horribly scared. Either way, the fact is that she broke down right after hearing that sentence in front of a shock surprised Jim. The man didn't know whether to hug her and try to comfort her somehow physically or just stay away from her.
"I can't do this!" she whined.
"Can't do what?" he asked between puzzled blinks.
"I can't sleep with you, Jim. I'm sorry..."
She took a dive on the king-size bed that ruled over the luxurious room, her face buried in her hands. Mr. McAllister understood what was happening. He crossed the room and sat down next to her at the edge. At first, he rubbed the exposed part of her back, but he changed his mind and decided to caress her only through her purple nightdress.
"Look, Daria, it's fine. You don't have to do anything at all."
"But... I thought-"
"Shush!" he placed his finger on her lips and took her hand, slightly wet from the tears "I know what we got married for... and I knew even before we made the decision that you love the ladies. So I never expected anything of the sort from you."
"You knew?" she finally looked him in the eyes.
"Yes. Daria, you're an exquisite, feminine girl; but I'm a good observer, and I couldn't help but notice how your body language changed when you talked to women and men. I've worked with actors for a long time; I'm good at reading people's movements and facial expressions."
"I suppose..." the Finn smiled gently, her tears starting to dry "But if you're not getting money or sex from me, why did you accept to marry me?"
"Every good deed has its reward, they say" he grinned mysteriously before patting her hand gently and letting go of it "Come on, you get the big bed and I'm taking the other one. Why do you think I insisted so much on having a spare bed?"
With time, Tarja would know what hid behind that cryptic response. And she learnt it the hard way. Avoiding nurses and other people rushing around in that white maze, she made her way to the counter as fast as she could.
"I'm looking for Dr. Novak" she said breathlessly to the receptionist "He just called me."
"You've been lucky; he's actually over there."
A middle-aged man in a white lab coat turned around immediately as he heard the conversation. He took some kind of folder before approaching her:
"Are you Daria McAllister?"
"Yeah, that's me" she nodded "Where is he?"
With a gesture, he told her to follow him and guided her through a long corridor. They passed a few people and a wheelchair by, but Tarja hardly noticed. Before she could speak, the doctor explained.
"He woke up a few minutes ago, so he's still rather weak."
"But what happened to him?" the young Finn wanted to know.
"Lucky that he managed to call us right before he lost consciousness" the man continued "Otherwise-"
"He lost consciousness?" she exclaimed, interrupting his speech "How did that happen?"
The older man ran a hand through his slightly balding head.
"Unfortunately, it's a common problem amongst people who suffer from his illness..."
His illness? The shocked frown on Tarja's face made the doctor swallow. He had assumed that Mr. McAllister would have told his wife about it, but obviously she didn't know. She kept glancing at him questioningly as they reached the room. Instead of giving her an answer, the doctor cleared his throat and pushed the door open for her to walk in.
"I'll leave you two alone" he mumbled.
Tarja watched him leave, still wanting to ask him what he meant, but it was in vain. She turned around to the bed her husband was lying on. Jim was more pale than usual; the doctor certainly wasn't lying when he said that he was very weak. He blinked a few times, as though he couldn't completely make out who she was.
"Daria?" he said barely above a whisper.
"Yes, it's me."
He motioned for her to come closer, so she took a chair and sat by the bed, studying him. Jim seemed to be sweating, and he made a sound as though he found it hard to breathe.
"W-wa... ter..." was all he could say.
Quickly, she took a bottle out of her bag, which she was used to carrying. She leaned closer; putting it to his lips and helping him swallow. After the drink, he began coughing. Scared as she was, she did her best not to freak out, wondering if she should call a nurse in case something happened. Fortunately, the coughing stopped after almost a minute. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but she decided to let him recover. A few deep breaths later, Jim spoke, still very softly.
"I guess the doctors told you..."
She shook her head. Although she was starting to get a vague idea, she let him speak. It still seemed to be a great effort for him, but he did his best.
"There's something I haven't been completely sincere about, Daria, and I owe you an explanation. For many years, I've been battling with cancer."
As she heard that word, she had to hold back a gasp. She expected some rare, chronic disease... Did that mean what she thought it meant? Sadly, his next words confirmed her fear.
"Last year, the doctors discovered that there was nothing else they could do to help me. My body would just continue deteriorating and I would eventually die. It was up to me to choose whether to spend my last days in a hospital or at home, and I chose the latter."
"Why didn't you tell me?" she wondered.
"I... was afraid. When they found out, many of my friends decided to stay away from me. It hurt them too much to see me wither. I have no longer family, and I was always too busy with work to find time for a wife or children. So I found myself alone. That's when I decided to keep this a secret from everyone. And when I heard that you were about to lose your residence permit, I saw it as a chance for us to help each other. It was selfish on my part, I know..."
"I still don't understand why you kept that from me! Did you really think I'd leave you if I knew?"
"No, no, that's not the only reason. At first I thought so, and I wouldn't have judged you for that. But as I got to know you, I realized what a good heart you have. You're only twenty-four, Daria; I couldn't put such a heavy burden on a young girl like you. Besides, those who don't know about my illness treat me like a normal person. They make me forget I'm sick for a while."
Tarja nodded. She had been angry at first, but now she understood his feelings. Giving it some more thought, that explained many things. Sometimes she had seen Jim taking some sort of pills, claiming that he needed them because he had a strong allergy. Now she also knew that he was even lonelier than she had noticed at the beginning. His carefree, optimistic attitude towards life. His reluctance to talk about the past. Everything made sense as she processed it.
"But... I wouldn't have left you. I would have taken care of you" she said.
"You already do" he smiled very weakly as he reached for her hand "All I needed was some company, feeling that I'm still useful in this world."
Her eyes were starting to fill with tears, so she closed them, hoping to keep them locked deep inside. She caressed the back of his hand with her thumb. After a long pause, she finally dared to ask:
"What does it feel like? To know that you're going to die, I mean."
Clearly not expecting that question, Mr. McAllister blinked gently as he meditated his answer.
"When I first knew, it was scary and painful. However, as time goes by, you simply start to appreciate life much more and to know what really matters."
In spite of his calm smile, Tarja bit her lip. It was still painful to hear that; not to mention how insignificant she felt. Suddenly, all her worries about money, her future or her love life seemed ridiculous, and it amazed her to see how Jim's optimism stayed on in spite of the certainty that he was going to die soon.
"Does it hurt?"
"Usually not, especially if I take the pills. But there are days, like today, when the pain is unbearable and I end up passing out..."
"Well, I'm not going to let that happen again" she gave his hand a squeeze "We can pretend everything's alright as much as you like, but I'm going to be there to remind you to take your pills and to dial the emergency number as soon as you start feeling weak."
And, sticking to her promise, she began to share the bed with him from the moment he was released from hospital. The incident brought them closer; so close that she actually became some sort of wife to him, leaving the physical part aside. Nevertheless, sometimes she would hug him or hold his hand, but it was more in a parent-child way. Jim kept his funny, innocent flirting, and sometimes Tarja would joke that she wished he were a woman.
Unfortunately, a few months after, Jim's health worsened considerably. As the days went by, he seemed more and more haggard, and he had trouble even getting out of the bed. The pain intensified and the moments when he couldn't breathe became increasingly frequent. Yet Tarja stayed there by his side until he passed away after a long agony.

"He left the house and a lot of his money to me" the Finn said at the end of her narration "I never go back there; too many painful memories. He wrote to me that I should use the money to help me fulfill my dreams and that I should never stop chasing them; on the other hand, he also said I should never forget about love."
Johanna was still speechless. That was certainly not what she had expected. She didn't even know how to react to such a heartbreaking story. Documents aside, Tarja's honesty while explaining it made her feel miserable. She had clearly misjudged her.
"We should tell Sharon" she finally spoke.
"What would that change?" Tarja sighed.
"I don't know. In any case, she deserves to know the truth... and at least it's worth trying."