Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

A week later, here I am to tell you all about the biggest musical event freakshow of the year: the Eurovision Song Contest 2011. Traditions must be followed, don't they?

Last year we baptised it "every plastic surgeon's dream"; this year, we had two recurring themes: On the one hand, plagiarism. Perhaps it's because I haven't heard much pop lately, so I've forgotten what it sounds like, but all songs were suspiciously similar to something I had heard before. Oh well... The other recurring theme was "Let's save the world!" For some reason, a bunch of artists who took part were inspired by how horrible the world nowadays is and how we could and should all unite to undo all the wrong we've done. The Spanish moderator, for once, was not the same old man who can tell you the final result of the contest after the first three minutes have gone by, but I have to admit that it was a nice change. And now, without further delay, let's start commenting all the contestants individually. (Our favourites in red)

1. Paradise Oskar (Finland): I was expecting some Holopainen-ish hottie, but that guy was not the stereotypical Finn at all. He was indeed blond and cute, but he was more like the kind of boy whose head you'd like to pat and have him as a pet on your bedside table. The song was slow and emotional, here's where we find the "Let's save the world" message for the first time. What I liked best about him was that adorable accent. Awww <3

2. Dino Merlin (Bosnia): A nice old man singing in both English and Bosnian accompanied on stage by a group of weirdoes playing strings and a Fisher Price keyboard. Special mentions to their choreography, but we have to say that the song couldn't be more obvious. It was some sort of reggae-like tune which was so repetitive that you could have it on repeat for three hours without noticing.

3. A friend in London (Denmark): Yes, I'm still wondering about the name of the band... Instead of entering the ESC they should have taken part in some sort of hairdressing contest, since all their hairstyles were rather creative/eye-catching. The title of the song was "A new tomorrow" (guess what it was about...yeah, exactly!) and it was quite a simple rock ballad.

4. Evelina Sasenko (Lithuania): Ok, it starts getting better. This lady had an AMAZING voice (although after hearing a couple more which were similar, it wasn't that impressive) and sang in three languages: English, French and Sign Language. Nice touch. Her partner on stage was Richard Clayderman's little brother with his piano, which helped make the song perfect for a musical. But we liked it! :)

5. Kati Wolf (Hungary): Her nose was bigger than the dress she was wearing, so it was better to look at her beautiful, long legs than her face. I have to say, though, that the song was perfect for the ESC: some mid-tempo dance with lots of high tones, a couple of dancers doing karate on stage... Yeah, add it to our list of favourites.

6. Jedward (Ireland): I had heard they were fan favourites this year, so I was ready to take my Irish flag with me... But no, unfortunately they were not quite so Irish. We came across Justin Timberlake and his twin brother on speed (which explains their jumping around combined with their robot dance) after putting their fingers into a socket. They must have used a time machine to go back to the 80s and get their outfits. At least the song was really upbeat and funny.

7. Eric Saade (Sweden): The first thing we knew about him was that he used to work for Disney and that his song was called "Popular"... doesn't this remind you all of a certain someone? Yeah, exactly. That guy was the Swedish version of our beloved Justin Bieber. Or perhaps the sixth Backstreet Boy who betrayed the rest of the band to dance in unison with his dancers. His onstage decoration consisted of some sort of Pokéball and the performance included some sort of dramatic number with a glass box. Too bad it worked and he didn't get trapped in there...

8. Getter Jaani (Estonia): Is that Heidi or Alice in Wonderland? Anyways, we'll never know where she stole that horrible pink dress from. We start with a creepy music box and then add some disco beat, plus a lot of vocoder (bleeerrgghh!) and screams. Me no likey.

9. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike (Greece): On the one hand, a typically Greek ballad with male vocals; on the other hand, a rapper. Wow! I never thought I'd say that, but the rap guy had a great voce. They combined Greek and English, which is always good (enough with musical globalisation!) Too make it even more Greek, some columns decorated the background while a bunch of contortionists jumped around. And to make the ending more spectacular, we add some fire. Awwwwesome!

10. Alexej Vorbjov (Russia): When we heard that his producer was the same as Lady Gaga's, we all gasped. Ok, now we know who's gonna win this year's contest... However, we found ourselves face to face with Draco Malfoy dressed up as John Travolta in Grease. His dancing moves were not too different from the Swede's and his voice reminded us suspiciously of pearls of TV like Pop Idol. His pop song contained several subliminal messages (like when the dancers turned around, showing that they could form the word ALEX with the letters they had on the backs of their leather jackets) and lots of fireworks.

11. Amoury Vassili (France): I had no clue Rafa Nadal could sing opera... The song was truly beautiful (as a soprano apprentice, I highly respect anyone who dares to sing classical) and sung in Corsican (YAY! New languages!)... but it was plain to see that he didn't have much to do in such a contest. And I would really like to have a quiet word with whoever decided to dress him up as Napoleon...

12. Raphael Gualazzi (Italy): Now that's what I call a good return. The first comment we heard about him from our great moderator, José María Íñigo was that he was "a true musician" (seriously, today's cucumber goes to that comment... does that mean the rest are fake musicians?!?!) and he was actually right. He was accompanied by a very good swing band and sang half the song in Italian and the other half in English. He certainly wasn't Ray Charles, but his intentions were definitely good. So far our favourite.

13. Anna Rossinelli (Switzerland): Nice voice... too bad it was used for the cheesiest song ever. Perhaps the song itself wasn't that cheesy, but everything was ruined by the bubbles and the cute clouds and rainbows that appeared on the background. The lyrics to the song were really deep and clever, something like "nananana". Her relationship with the high-heeled shoes didn't seem to be too good either... Certainly, there were worse performances, but I kind of get why she was last...

14. Blue (UK): "I Can"... is that some sort of hidden reference to Obama's campaign? After all, they already have the black guy... That was supposed to be Blue's revival, so we got what we could expect from this band: very vocal pop (with good vocals, I should add), all dressed in blue and the black guy showing off his six pack. Not bad at all.

15. Zdob si Zdub (Moldova): Some people take part in this contest to win. Others just do it for fun. The Moldovans clearly belonged to the second group, which earned them our respect and support. All the members of this energetic rock band (except for the guitarists... someone had to headbang, right?) were wearing cones on their heads, including the unicycle-riding fairy who played some sort of trumpet (thank god Nattramn wasn't there!) All I can say is... YIIIIHAAAAAAA!!!

16. Lena (Germany): She certainly had improved her performing skills since the past year. This time she didn't look like she was doing karaoke with her friends. As it usually happens with young female singers, as they become famous, they grow sluttier, and Lena was no exception. The song reminded me of "Fever", but her voice ruined it a little. I sometimes had the feeling that she needed to cough, and that was driving me insane. Besides, she had clearly stolen Lady Gaga's dancers.

17. Hotel FM (Romania): Apparently, their singer was English (is that allowed???) and he looked pretty happy in spite of wearing a vest and Obelix's pants. The song was pretty happy and talked about changing the world with a smile.

18. Nadine Beiler (Austria): I didn't know Whitney Houston had a long lost white sister in Austria. Her outfit and hairstyle reminded me of Chicago, my favourite film. Nadine was alone with her beautiful voice in the middle of the stage, surrounded by smoke until a choir of muses (including a black Big Mamma) turned up to support her. Another great return!

19. Ell & Nikki (Azerbaijan): Ok, Íñigo, we get it - they're no couple in real life! Especially because they guy sounded pretty much like a castratto. He and the lady who accompanied him were dressed in white, just like the band who played on stage with them. As for the song, I'm pretty sure they copied it from Alicia Keys. Seriously, what is it with Azerbaijan and Alicia Keys?!

20. Maja Keuc (Slovenia): What is this, an Alicia Keys imitators' contest? Then this girl must have been her white sister... By far the best voice of the night, not to mention that she was... PHWOOOOARRRR!!!

21. Sjonni's Friends (Iceland): A tender story gave rise to a very friendly band. Apparently, Sjonni was the guy who was going to sing for Iceland, but he died at the attempt. However, his friends and widow decided to finish his work and represent their country. The song was quite happy and they had great voices. It reminded me of Soulsister. The only thing I would have complained about was the outfit... ewww!

22. Lucía Pérez (Spain): I can see that stage name will take her very far... First of all, why the hell did she have to wear a pink dress?!?!? I won't even waste time commenting on the song (you all know my opinion on Spanish songs), but I was curious to see the ethnic touch. Apparently, as the girl is from Galicia, she didn't feel comfortable singing something which clearly sounded typically Southern Spain, so they decided to give it a more celtic touch. Imagine my disappointment when the "celtic touch" was limited to the faraway sound of bagpipes. At least the choreography was okay.

23. Mika Newton (Ukraine): The song started with heartbeats and featured an artist making drawings in the sand and the third (or fourth?) Espenaes sister dressed up as a fallen angel. Or at least that's what we assumed the dry wings meant. The song and the voice were pretty nice, but to be honest, it wasn't too impressive after hearing Slovenia and Austria...

24. Nina (Serbia): She gets a plus for the language and the 60s atmosphere. She had quite a good voice and the girl was very sweet. She reminded me of Soraya, but a lot prettier and more cuddlable. I'm still wondering what the psychedelic spiral at the background represented though...

25. Eldrine (Georgia): FUCK YEAH! It was great to see that metal wasn't completely left out this year. They were all dressed in black and shocking green and had a keyboardist, which automatically wins my heart. It wasn't probably my favourite kind of metal, since they were like a female-fronted version of Linkin Park (black-eyed rapper included), but at least I think they had some kind of grunter. My favourites definitely!

Needless to say, I mainly supported France (15th), Italy (2nd) and Georgia (9th) (although I wouldn't have minded Austria (18th), Slovenia (13th) or Ukraine (4th) either...) Too bad it was Azerbaijan who pulled it off in the end... Oh well, at least it was really enjoyable to watch and a great excuse to spend the evening with friends and snacks. And now, I'll leave you with the winner + my favourite as bonus track. Enjoy!