Aka. "Destination Anywhere", "The Boy and Girl from County Bavaria"... After a very intense year in Würzburg (Germany), I'm back in Salamanca. I probably won't have that many experiences to write, but there's always an excuse to post a new entry!

31.

The skies were still a strong shade of orange, almost red. It was early in the morning, and she could feel the cold stinging the exposed parts of her body. Yet she would get warm soon. Johanna tried to remember the last time she had gone jogging. She liked to do it at least a couple of times a week, but the pregnancy and later her depression had forced her to stop.
She remembered it had been a couple of weeks after her birthday, in mid-spring. It wasn't that hot back then, so she had gone for a run in the afternoon. However, the strong summer sun had forced her and Flo to choose a different time - it was almost nine in the morning! Before stretching her legs, Johanna couldn't hold back a yawn.
"Do tell me if you get too tired, ok?" Flo told her.
The redhead nodded and they both set off. Soon she was left a few meters behind by the taller woman. No wonder she was going so fast, she thought as briefly heard the loud, aggressive music playing on Flo's iPod as she ran past her. The giantess stopped a few meters later and turned to her with an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I'm not used to doing this with someone else" she explained "I usually try to run as fast as I can for as long as I can, that's how I do it. I'll try to go with you."
"No, it's fine. You can continue" Johanna said "I used to go faster before, but you know, it's been a while..."
"It's just normal. It takes time to get used to it again."
Right after saying that, Flo turned off her iPod, rolled the headphones around it and put it in her pocket.
"Let's just go together, ok? I don't mind at all."
She didn't want Johanna to feel overwhelmed or inferior. But apart from that, she thought it could be a good chance to have a chat with the younger girl. The redhead seemed to be slowly getting better. Now that she was beginning to be herself again, she wanted to get to know her.
Both girls jogged together a few laps. The park was all their own, as most people probably hadn't got up yet in such a lazy summer day. After not having exercised in weeks, along with the conversation, Johanna was soon breathless. She excused herself and sat on a bench while Flo continued a while more, this time at her own pace, listening to music at the same time. Her brown ponytail was swinging a bit violently from side to side. Knowing what her soundtrack was, Johanna smiled to herself at the image. She could perfectly picture her headbanging at a concert.
Flo had run about four more laps when she decided to stop. She looked tired but satisfied, as though it was some sort of stress reliever for her. Her face was so red that it almost looked purple, which was weirdly cute.
"Ok, I'm done" she announced breathlessly "How about we slowly walk back home?"
"Alright" Johanna nodded as she stood up.
The day had already become warmer and they were no longer alone in the area. It looked like the city had finally woken. Flo wiped some sweat from below her bangs and then drank some water from the small bottle she was carrying.
"To be honest, I haven't run in a while either" she confessed "Everything has been a bit hectic lately, so I didn't have much time. But I really needed it."
"Yeah, it's funny how this kind of stuff makes you feel free" Johanna commented "I go to the gym quite often during the semesters. It's a great way to relax."
"What do you do?"
"Hmm... mainly spinning or aerobics, but I like dancing too."
"Ugh, dancing!" Flo grimaced "Don't mention it! I used to be a dancer when I was... well, a bit younger than you, and I hated it."
"Yeah, Sharon told me. She actually showed me pictures of the two of you."
"God, no!" it was hard to tell whether Flo had blushed or not, since her face was still red, but anyone could see that she was embarrassed.
"Come on, it didn't look that bad!" Johanna grinned "A bit slutty, but you do have a nice body to show off."
"I looked horrible in those clothes, if you can call them like this at all. I mean, it really doesn't suit me. I already feel weird in normal dresses..."
"Yeah, well, I don't wear dresses that often either. Only in summer. When I go to work or university, I need to feel comfortable."
"I understand. I just never feel like myself in dresses or skirts, you know? I've tried to be feminine, but I'm just not cut out for it."
Johanna looked Flo up and down. Even in a t-shirt and shorts she seemed pretty attractive.
"I don't think you're boyish at all" she said "In fact, it's stupid to think that all women have to wear makeup everyday and..."
Johanna trailed off. A few meters away from them, a woman was walking her baby in a stroller. She was young, probably not even five years older than herself. Like hypnotized, her gaze remained fixed on the baby. A perfect, healthy little child. Her eyes followed them as they passed them by. Time seemed to stop. She could hear Flo saying something at the back of her mind, but she couldn't understand a word she was saying. Suddenly, she burst into tears.
"I'm sorry" she sniffled.
At first sight, Flo didn't know what had got into her younger companion. Then she noticed the young mother walking away from them and understood it immediately. She had dealt with depressed people before and knew at some stages even the smallest things could set them off. Gently, she led Johanna to a nearby bench. Before talking to her or touching her, she gave her some space and moments to cry all the tears she needed to release.
"Sorry... I just... couldn't help it" she hiccupped.
"It's fine" Flo placed an arm on her back, comforting her.
"I wish I could be her..."
"But why?"
The redhead frowned. She didn't seem to understand what Flo meant by that. In fact, it even looked as though she was offended.
"She has a beautiful child. Mine died. Why wouldn't I be jealous?"
It was hard for Flo to repress a snort. She considered herself to be a sensitive, understanding person. Nevertheless, that whole story was too much for her to take.
"Well... maybe because you have a life?"
The younger girl's green eyes turned into question marks.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Look, Johanna, I know it's a huge trauma to lose someone you love. But it seems like you haven't listened to me at all" she sighed "It's not the end of the world. I understand that you're still getting over it, so everything seems to remind you of what happened. But please, there's a lot more to life than that. I could tell you a thousand reasons to be happy and I'm sure they outnumber your reasons to be sad."
"You just don't understand me" the Austrian protested "Have you ever gone through something like this? Well, then don't try to give me advice!"
Flo rolled her eyes. She was a patient woman, but her urge to help those she cared about was too strong. Besides, few things annoyed her more than those she wanted to help rejecting her efforts.
"Hasn't it ever occurred to you that it might not have been the right time?" she burst out.
"There's no such a thing as the right time or the wrong time" Johanna retorted weakly.
"Seriously, Johanna, would you really like to give up everything you've worked so hard for your whole life for an accident?"
Her listener slid away on the bench, shocked by her words. Letting her hair loose, Flo took a deep breath before continuing. There was a reason why that particular topic touched her rather deep. Yet she decided to calm down so as to explain it coherently.
"Have I ever told you about my best childhood friend?" she asked, more softly. Johanna shook her head "Her name was Alissa. She was a great girl - straight A student, beautiful, a good friend, always up for a laugh... When we were seventeen, she started dating that guy... I don't remember his name. Anyway, the thing is that a few months after they started seeing each other, she got pregnant. Her family was rather conservative, so she decided to marry him and have the baby. She couldn't graduate because her son was born in the middle of the semester and it was really hard for her to keep up with school while taking care of him. Her husband also had to give up studying and started working. We didn't see each other for a few months, but they both seemed pretty happy, so I didn't worry about her. Then, about a year later, she called me crying in the middle of the night. Apparently, her boyfriend couldn't take the pressure anymore and they had broken up. So she was alone with a child, no job and no money at 18. My parents allowed me to take them in for a couple of weeks, then she moved back to her family's until her son started school" the giantess made a pause and had one more look at Johanna "Before this whole thing started, she wanted to study Medicine in New York. She would have probably got a scholarship because she was really clever. Instead of that, she had to settle for a job like Sharon's and a tiny apartment for herself and her kid in the same village where we used to live, so that she wouldn't be too far away from her parents in case she needed anything."
"But that wouldn't have happened to me" the Austrian replied "Marco really wanted a baby. He would have helped me."
"I'm not doubting him at all. My point is that having a child when you're still very young could ruin your life. A baby is a huge responsibility. Do you have an idea what you'd miss if you had one?"
"Well, having your dream job is not everything..."
"I'm not just talking about work" Flo contradicted "I'm talking about hanging out with your friends, learning new things, travelling... For example, even if Alissa left her son with her parents, she almost never wanted to go clubbing with us because she knew she'd be too tired the next day. That isolated her from our group of friends. Now imagine your baby had been born. You would have been at home all the time, either taking care of it or working on your thesis. For at least a year, you would barely see your friends except for Marco and Cristina as long as you lived with her. Of course, Sharon and I would have been glad to babysit if you needed us, just like I'm sure the rest of your friends would be. Still, your whole life would be built around your child. Perhaps instead of being a tour guide in a museum, as you wanted, you might have to be an Art teacher because of the schedule or simply because you need the money. You might not be able to have a movie night with Sharon on Friday because the next day you have to take your son to his football training and Marco has to drive somewhere on that weekend."
"You always have to sacrifice certain things for those you love" Johanna shrugged.
"Sweetie, do you have an idea how many things you will have to sacrifice in life?" Flo took her hands. There was a passionate sparkle in her eyes "You'll have enough time for that when you're older! Why don't you try to enjoy your early years as long as you can? Sharon always comments how mature and responsible you are. That's certainly positive, but just don't overdo it, ok? You're twenty-one; don't try to live like you were forty!"
"I'm not living like I were forty!" she frowned.
"Really? When was the last time you partied with your friends until the morning? Or how long has it been since you last went on a trip for fun? You can see your loss as a horrible, depressing situation or as a second chance. An opportunity to enjoy your freedom and do anything you've always wanted to do. If you really want to have kids, you will when the moment has come. Meanwhile... just live your life!"